I should be sponsored by Trojan
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
