I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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