Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
