A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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