Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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