Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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