I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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