You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize