nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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