So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
