Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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