I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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