and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
handjob tips. give me some.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
