i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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