even my farts smell like vagina
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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