Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
