so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And then he peed in my hair
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