i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
