idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize