yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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