Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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