If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
