Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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