He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The ass gains better be worth it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
