I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize