if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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