I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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