At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
