shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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