filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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