just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
