Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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