Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
