You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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