question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
