I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize