Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
