guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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