why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
