Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my phone needs a breathalizer
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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