Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
