Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
