He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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