you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
