So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
