and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
