Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize