I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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