Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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