make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
