this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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