he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Rumble strips road head = magical
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
