This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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