WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
