Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
