I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
