I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
