You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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