my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
