the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
