Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
