bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
