She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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