He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
