Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize