I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
