just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
